Thursday, June 16, 2011

Thursday 13 *Things You Can Make While Naked*

Because we read through wondering where our 13 was we put the actual items in bold type. Again, this is our conversation, the only edits are when Sharon was trying to make it so I had to put the adult rating on the blog. She got censored!
Sharon: k doing 13
Charity: I was thinking about making pudding but you gotta use a hand mixer cause the whisk...body parts...
Sharon: oh you mean the jiggle factor. Noted.
Sharon: Check. Chocolate fondue... just have salve on hand in case you're sloppy
Sharon: Oh! Brownies!
Charity: so would fruit be added to the fondue for chocolate dipped fruit?
Sharon: *coughs* banana!
Charity: banana split with extra whip creamSharon: look at you in my head lol
Charity: I know it is a scary place I have to admit
Sharon: hehe
Sharon: that's a lot of chocolate so far... but i guess if we're naked its cool
Charity: don't forget the whip cream out of the spray can...not cooking but it is a good topping.
Sharon: NO sprinkles.. those little round ones would get stuck in skin creases.
Charity: NO nuts either...cause the implications are horrible.
Sharon: shudders
Sharon: Caesar salad!  Can never go wrong with that
Charity: okay a serious food item...cream cheese pinwheels with meat and green onion rolled up in a tortilla and sliced. Great finger party food.
Sharon: Damn. way to get back on track, nice
Charity: pats herself on the back
Sharon: How about my orgasmic pork tenderloin below? So long as you're landscaped you should be fine by the barbecue
Charity: nooo you can't double dip the recipes. Be original. And yeah no BBQ while naked.
Sharon: *&%$*
Sharon: holy bad list batman that's only 6
Charity: yeah we need to get serious
Sharon: k
Sharon: thinks
Charity: OH I got it!
Charity: Soapapillas! You put melted butter on tortillas and after baking them til they are crispy you dip them into sugar and cinnamon and top it with strawberries and whip cream. You can fry the tortilla chips but naked that wouldn't be good and some like the lower grease factor. Drizzle chocolate syrup and honey on top...talk about needing a moment to just mmmmmmm
Sharon: Nice one! Sounds complicated as all hell but I"d do that. Naked.
Sharon: Okay um it would help if i knew who i was eating this naked with
Charity: if you are naked someone worth it
Sharon: I mean.. Christopher Walken's list would be way different than if I was noshing with  Brad Pitt
Sharon: Just saying
Charity: or say the new hot co-worker you have?
Sharon: ooh score! ok.. hmm...
Sharon: Caribbean pasta with fruit. For him I'd recommend extra long penne pasta
Charity: yeah but boil the pasta while clothed cause puring boiling water out while getting splashed? Not my idea of a good hot.
Charity: omelets as that is a breakfast staple and does not cause much jiggling or splatter. Perfect for the morning after.....dinner and a movie :)
Sharon: sighs fine
Sharon: guacamole... that's all cold
Sharon: mushy though.. might send the wrong vibe
Charity: oh how about a fruit salsa instead? I have the best recipe!
Sharon: ohh strawberry surprise dessert.. its awesome and perfect for naked people
Sharon: You know one thing we forgot on the list of what NOT to cook naked? lobster. Epically bad idea
Charity: crabs would be worse...
Sharon winces
Sharon: yeah
Charity: ooh cookies. Who couldn't cook those naked?
Sharon: well Betty Fookin' Crocker
Sharon: that would be nasty
Charity: you are sick...
Sharon: I know.. I'm going to cooking hell
Charity: yes you are.
Sharon: I think at this point I'd just order take out... have it delivered naked
Charity: Better Than Sex Cake
Sharon: but you're naked! you can't ... that would be like "hi .. this food is better than you're about to be"
Charity: oh damn that's true so pick another.
Sharon: No I'm done... I've ordered out and awaiting my deliveryCharity: oh damn that's true so pick another.
Sharon snickers
Charity: cause who gets naked to cook before the before part?
Sharon: meth heads
Sharon: *inserts* don't try this at home kids
Charity: note.....I promise to not allow her to be drinking before we post out ~TT~ again.
Sharon: hey.. its noon somewhere
Charity: Pie....its just perfect
Sharon: Love pie. Cherry.

**Not all ~TT~ people are as crazy as we are and there are some out there down right entertaining that I read weekly. Visit them right there ------->   http://thursday-13.com/

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Well Porked: The Orgasmic Tenderloin


Okay so you might not have an orgasm cooking this on the BBQ but then again... you just might. And if there is a potential for getting a l'il somethin somethin, your best bet is to try out this quick and seriously easy summertime hit.


Ingredients

1 1/2 pound pork tenderloin

1 tbsp olive oil

salt & pepper

garlic clove, cut open

Garlic Pepper Sauce:

2 Tbsp brown sugar

several splashes of worchestershire sauce

2 Tbsp red wine vinegar

2 Tbsp Dijon mustard

1 Tsp prepared horseradish

1 Tbsp finely chopped onion

1 finely chopped garlic clove

2 tsp crushed red pepper flakes


1. Cut the tenderloin into about 8 or so slices... then slap them flatter til their about 1 inch thick

2. Rub both sides with garlic, then brush with olive oil

3. Toss them on a prepared BBQ on med heat for no more than 3-4 minutes a side. Anymore and you'll be serving hockey pucks. Pork does NOT have be served like its sawdust people!!

4. Mix ingredients for sauce over med heat until just simmering. Spoon warmed sauce over cooked pork.

5. Seriously there is no step 5. You're done. I told you it was easy.

6. Why are you still reading this? You're done ffs. Eat it. Preferably with white wine and a hot man to increase your chances for that orgasm I was talking about. Sheesh.


Sharon


Thursday, June 9, 2011

~TT~ Things you shouldn't cook while naked....

Have you ever sat back and looked at the conversations you and your best friend have? I have the ability as me and Sharon don't talk on the phone often instead we get on yahoo messenger and such. So I can sit here and laugh over our conversations. For our ~TT~ this week we started to go off one list and then deicded that it was boring and well....here are 13 things you shouldn't cook while naked. Instead of listing the items as we normally would I am going to copy and paste our conversation so you can see how we developed our list. And don't forget to see some other ~TT~ participants! There are some great lists out there! http://thursday-13.com/


Sharon: hmm
Sharon: 13
Charity: pantry must haves? 13 things we keep on hand at all times? 13 things to do with potatoes?
Sharon: pantry 13
Charity: 13 things to spice up coffee
Sharon: ok
Charity: assorted pasta
Sharon: i don't know 13 things to spice up coffee
Charity: speg sauce
Charity: mac and cheese
Charity: tuna
Sharon: sighs this is a boring list
Charity: lol
Charity: I know
Sharon: how about 13 things you can't cook while naked
Charity: omg love it
Sharon: Bacon
Sharon: Sausage
Charity: fried chicken
Sharon: tacos.. messy
Charity: speg sauce cause it splatters too
Sharon: nods
Sharon: repeat bacon
Sharon: lol
Charity: ooh how about anything that requires more than the two front burners cause then you gotta lean over
Sharon: ! golden
Sharon: lol
Sharon: steaming vegetables
Charity: ooh grilling burgers
Sharon: nods nods nods
Charity: boiling eggs cause you gotta dump the boiling water out
Sharon: hmm..... fajitas
Sharon: sizzle....
Charity: ooh yeah they snap crackle pop
Charity: gravey cause when you whisk body parts whisk too
Sharon: eeesh
Sharon: yeah
Sharon: um um um .. omg French fries
Charity: oh good one!
Sharon: epic owie

Charity: next week we can do a list of things you can cook naked
Sharon: laughs!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Easy Baked Chicken

When I first got married the kitchen was often a war zone with lots of bad words when things didn't turn out how I wanted. However sometimes a mistake turned into something good...home made sloppy joes for example. A dear friend of mine made the best baked chicken for me one night and it is something that has become a house favorite in not only mine, but my dad asks for it when we visit. I like to use thigh pieces or the leg and thigh still connected (thigh quarters).

I like to use a combination of Emmeril's Essence and Paula Dean's Home Seasoning. Both recipes can be found at the food network website. I clean the chicken...which means I go and make sure no feathers have been missed as that makes me want to gag and not eat it. Then I rinse it off and put the pieces into a glass baking dish. You want to give each piece a little room. This is so that the chicken gets heat all around, as well as letting the skin get crispy all around. Sprinkle on your favorite spices, just salt and pepper is really good too...lemon pepper would be really good too. Okay anyway....I bake the chicken on 400 for 45 minutes then turned off the heat and let the meat rest. Check the temp of the chicken cause it is supposed to be at 180. I do check half way through to make sure it is baking evenly and will turn the pan cause my oven doesn't like to bake evenly.

Here is an up close picture....and yes that is a new serving plate that I just got at Fred Meyer's. And I love it so much I am really thinking that I need a whole set for dinner dishes. After pulling the chicken out of the pan I used a pastry brush to slap on a bit of he dripping to make the skin glisten. Yes I am aware that you shouldn't eat the skin...I think of it as optional as you can pull the skin off after it has baked all pretty golden brown and locked in the juices.

I made mashed potatoes and green beans. The green beans were easy I drained them and then in a skillet I put some butter and the same spices I used in the chicken and potatoes and got them all nice and hot before putting them on the salad size plate that goes with my gorgeous serving plate. I like to use the Pioneer Woman's recipe for the mashed potatoes and you can get that recipe on her website. BEST MP's EVER! The only thing I do differently is I use regular milk unless it is a special type day needing half and half and I use the house seasoning and Emmeril's that we discussed earlier.

Really easy dinner to put together and if you have any leftovers it warms up really well for lunch the next day.
~Charity

Monday, June 6, 2011

Lemon Cream Cake

I am not much of a baker. That is Sharon's thing and I don't like to venture into desserts often as I tend to eat them and my rear end is big enough. However with the weather getting warm and my kids begging for something sweet I decided to try and make a light and refreshing cake.

In this recipe you can either make a white cake from scratch or use a boxed mix if you are so inclined. Sometimes not every part has to be home made. I made a white cake from a Betty Crocker box. Spray your spring form pan really well with cooking spray so it doesn't stick. And follow the box directions. Or Mama's/Grandma's cake directions.

There are a lot of recipes out there that use lemon pie filling but it never seems to me to be creamy enough. So I mixed one package of softened cream cheese, 3 tablespoons fresh lemon juice, 2 cups powdered sugar, 1 cup heavy whipping cream. First mix the cream cheese and powdered sugar, then add the lemon juice. If you want a bigger lemon punch you can certainly add about a tablespoon of lemon zest just make sure you finely grate the zest not the strip kind. After that is well mixed then whip the cream until it forms stiff peaks. Gently fold the two together by hand not using the mixer cause it will deflate the whip cream. Put in the fridge while the cake cools completely.

Crumble : 1/2 cup and 1 TBS of flour, pinch of salt, 1/2 cup plus 2 TBS powdered sugar, 1/4 cup softened butter, and 1/2 tsp of vanilla. Here is where things got a little funky for me. There is a crumble in this recipe and it sounds really simple to make. A crumble is supposed to be light and fluffy and pretty and this is what mine started out as...


That is GOOP! There is nothing light and fluffy about it. There is nothing that says crumble and everything that says dough. What when wrong? The butter is supposed to be softened when you do this but my butter was too soft and with my hands being warm too the butter melted and caused this. I was about to toss it and start over but then I decided to see if I could pull it back. I put the bowl in the fridge to let the butter harden up again and when it had been in there for about an hour I pulled it out and used a fork and a butter knife to break it up into chunks. Adding powdered sugar as I went I finally ended up with....

Isn't it pretty! It did take some work to get it back to where I needed it to be but chilling it and adding more powdered sugar seemed to work out very well. The crumble you will cover the cake with after you frost it with that lemon cream we made earlier.

Okay once the cake is completely cooled, don't rush it....you know how when you try to frost a cake you let sit and thought 10 minutes was enough? Yeah that is why the frosting ends up dotted with cake bits. Even worse is trying to cut a cake through the middle when it is still warm. As yummy as that sounds the cake will fall apart so let is hang out for a long while. So when it is completely cooled cut the cake so that you have two layers. Me? Well the next time I make this cake I have decided that I will make extra frosting and cut the cake into 3 layers...but that is just me wanting to over achieve. 

Reserve about a half cup maybe add a dollop more for the frosting and use all the rest for a creamy center. Pile the chilled cream on the bottom half of the cake and spread it around in an even layer. Carefully place the top half of the cake on and then with the reserved cream frost it. Cover the top and sides with a thin layer of the lemon cream. 

I wish this next part went smoothly for me....I made a mess. Do I wish I had done something smart to make the plate look pretty? Yes. Do I wish I had the foresight to leave the cake on the lower part of the spring pan and did a pedestal thing so the crumble wouldn't have had the plate to stay on? Yes....so do those fancy type things. And when I make another cake I will take pictures of what I am talking about....so anyway. Get the crumble everywhere and hope you get it mostly on the cake top and sides. Pop it all in the fridge for at least 3-4 hours so the cream can get set. This is what a slice of the cake looks like...
Even though some parts of the process gave me a fit the cake really was good. There are only a few things I would try different next time...I did not find there to be quite enough lemon flavor so that is why I would add lemon zest to the cream or perhaps use a lemon cake mix for the crumble. As is though the cake really hit the spot.
~Charity

Friday, June 3, 2011

Coach Purse Cake





Okay... so we all know I'm a crappy cook but one thing I do a bit better is bake & decorate fun cakes. Here's one I finished today for a friend of mine who is loves her designer stuff.. like LOVES.. sometimes inappropriately at times I might add.

Its all edible chocolate cake with buttercream icing in between the layers of the purse and fondant icing covering the bottom slab and the purse itself. All purse decorations are done with fondant as well.

So, if you want to wow some friends and love to play with this edible play-doh... then by all means give it whirl. I've included photos as I went along .... holler if you need more deets!


Sharon

******************************************************************************************
Step 1: Cook yer cakes. I used a 14x14 cake on the bottom and an 8x10 cut in half, with a loaf pan for the purse


Step 2: Assemble purse.... 3 layers, cut to shape.... favourite buttercream in the middle (hello? chocolate)








Step 3: Roll out tan coloured fondant you coloured cause you're that good and cover the sides of it.. push it in til its firm.. and for goodness sake don't scar it with your fingernails like I did.







Step 4: Cover the 14x14 cake with dark chocolate fondant... using small dowels, stick them into the cake and gently place the purse on top.



Step 5: Stencil the 'Coach' emblem on it using buttercream. For this I copied the design off the net and cut out my own stencil using and exactoknife and slurping back coffee. This part is a bit tricky.. so if you have rum on hand, take a couple shots and you'll be good to go.









Step 6: Make a zipper & tail... use a toothpick to edge in seams for detail... tuck it in the top.. don't worry about the edges those will be covered later.







Step 7: Okay.. add 4 'leather' piping down each side, and slap on a line of leather around the top.. i puckered mine a bit. Add 'stitching' indentations and you're good to go.







Step 8: Make handles out of fondant, gold buttons.. and attach them.. I crossed mine over the top.









Voila... that's it. Four hours out of your life you'll never get back. So make it for someone you like and remind them about it every fookin' birthday.